Thursday, December 10, 2015

My Graduation

I am so happy to reach to this level. I cant wait to complete my degree too. I am so proud to make MAMA happy. I could see how happy she is on my special meaningful day. I have always waiting for a day to see how satisfied and happy she is. I have two beautiful best friends who was also happy for me on that day. I had good peoples around me who loves me with all their who had been with me throughout my worst and they are the one who deserves to be with me to celebrate my best. My painful journey in diploma finally ended and now i am ready to go through another painful tragic journey for my Degree and this time i'll make sure no more nightmares along my way, i had enough and now this is a new me, and i fear nothing. 

Friday, October 30, 2015

It hurts

As days goes by, it hurts
When the time flies, it hurts
When her tears fall, it hurts
When she sleeps at night, it hurts
When she walk alone, it hurts
When she talk, it hurts
When she eat, it hurts
When she think, it hurts
When she say she's okay, it hurts
When she dream all night long, it hurts
When she say it hurts, it really hurts.
"Her legs are still strong, walking way further than before and even if the hurt is still there, she can't feel anything anymore as she threw away her whole heart and now she's living without it every single day"  

"When the one you love, you treasure, you hold and never want to let go, disappear, left you with no regrets. They gave up on you as if you were the one who messed up. What you'll feel is the loneliness, emptiness, disappointment and hatred every single day you live your life and that is how deep the hurt is!"

"When the memories you had was not precious, was not valuable and was never in their mind. It was just you thinking of it, appreciating it, loving it and treasuring it every single day but they left everything. This is when you'll realize how stupid you were and the hurt gets even deeper!"

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Once Upon A Time

This is a story about a girl who had spent her teenage life at home in her room... She always wanted to feel and to live just like other teenagers but she can't, she's not brave enough to step out of the house all by herself.
At the age of 16-18, teenagers will have boyfriends, they'll socialize and have fun but she was always at home studying, playing with her nieces and talking to her mother. She's not independent and she needs her mother with her all the time, because she's afraid of almost everything. She had no idea what's going on outside, she'll go to school and be home on time. She never had the chance to follow her friends to malls or anywhere else, and if she gets the chance she wouldn't want to do it because she's afraid, she can’t be alone outside and she have no trust towards anyone except her mother.

When she turned into 18 years old, she entered a University and that was the first time she experienced sleeping in a dorm with strangers without her mother. She was so scared and sad at the same time but she managed to control herself and as day goes by she finally overcomes her fear of being alone. She grew up slowly. Girls her age was so wild and they had experienced many things, and had gone through a lot but she was shocked because she's a teenager but she had never experienced anything just like other people did. People was surprised when they got to know that she had never been in-love, she never had a boyfriend, and people laughed at her because all she did was being in her school studying and knowing nothing.

It was hard at first, as people around her were trying to change her to be someone else so that she could experience what teenagers experienced. But she choose to be herself and stay the way she is. She admit that she always want to have a boyfriend and to live just like other teenagers and have fun but all she did was " wait " . She believes that the time will come, and she will get the chance to be in-love, to have a boyfriend and to get a life.

At the age of 20 years old, she was still the same. Till the day she met this person who captured her heart. It was on her birthday, and a month before she was thinking of having a boyfriend before she turns 20. On her very special day, someone captured her heart, she was so happy; because that was the very first time she felt something in her heart. She was so happy on her birthday and she felt as if God had sent someone as her birthday gift as she has been praying and hoping to get someone special.

The next following year and that is 3 weeks after her birthday, she had a boyfriend. She was with the guy who captured her heart. It was hard for her at first, because she had never been in a relationship and she doesn't know how to react and what to do. She had never loved and be loved before. Her friends were there, they gave her a few tips on what to do and even her partner taught her what to do as a girlfriend. She was so happy; it was her first time loving someone and being loved.

She finally get the chance to do what other teenagers did when they're young. She spend her time going out to places, hanging out, she'll always sleep late just like teenagers did. She even holds her cell phone all the time. She changed a lot. She was no longer the hardworking, diligent girl anymore. She was so happy. But her love story didn't stayed sweet as her partner went back to his hometown and she had to be in a long-distance relationship. She was so sad and she couldn't accept it at first as her happiness won’t be close to her anymore and he was the first person she loved and she's afraid she might lose him.

As days goes by her love was stronger even though they were apart. She was faithful and she waited with full of patience. After 3 tough and painful months, she finally get the chance to be closer to him and they were happy. But things were not the same anymore as, he was studying in a different place and their relationship was getting worst. She became an option, her lover was confused and he's not sure whether he truly loves her or his love belongs to another person, a person he loved once. She never thought that things would turn out to be that way, as she was so in-loved with him. She don't want to be a Queen who have lost her King. She didn't know what to do and  she stepped back and let him go because she believes that

"If you truly love something. Let it go.
If it comes back to you. It’s yours.
If it doesn't. It was never meant to be."

She was not deep hurt because he loved someone else, but it was because she had to let him go and she never had the chance to make him stay and the toughest part of letting go is realizing that the other person already did and that hurts the most. She wants to be by his side, but she didn't get the chance because he chose to let her go too.

And now, she's back in her room looking at herself in the mirror telling herself that I should've just stayed in my room knowing nothing about life and love. But she's happy because she's braver and stronger now, after experiencing all those shits in her life. She decided to move on and never look back again and she wants to stay the way she is forever. It was so hard for her, as she loved someone too much and it was her first time, it was her fault because she fall too hard and it kills her. If she knew that loving someone was just like jumping off a tall building, she wouldn't have loved too much.

This is how LOVE changed a person’s life. Love brakes you into pieces, forces you to sacrifice, love is unfair, it hurts you, it kills you, it’s painful, but in the end love makes you stronger, braver and tougher.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Completed My Diploma


My Family, My Life... Forever in My heart.. 

My Group My team.. Always in My heart...